Things To Do During A Long Weekend In Reno!

Did you know that there are two Reno signs? Neither did I until I went out exploring and stumbled upon the original sign that was erected in 1926 and now stands on Lake Street between the Sienna Resort & Casino and the National Automobile Museum.

Here’s the new sign on Virginia Street just in case you forgot what it looks like…

I enjoy my weekend trips to Reno. I’ve done this twice and it’s exciting to think I can jump in my car and drive to Nevada in four hours. That’s what the old brain does to East Coast transplants on the West Coast. In Florida – when you drive four hours you are usually still in Florida, in the Atlantic, or – if you can’t follow Google Maps – the Gulf of Mexico.

If anyone tells you that there is nothing to do in Reno you have my permission to slap them silly. There are many entertaining and fun things to do in downtown and the surrounding areas. Just get out and explore – or get drunk in a casino. The weekend is yours and you own it.

Enchanted Blackjack at Circus Circus

I love blackjack. It’s probably because the game is also called 21 and that’s how old I wish I still was. When I am in Las Vegas, I wouldn’t let you drag my dead corpse into Circus Circus. You could fill me up with enough GHB to knock out Lindsey Lohan (do they even make doses that high?) and the moment you carried me across the crusty carpet of the lobby I would wake up and say, “THIS is where you take me to violate my sphincter?” But in Reno – the Circus Circus is my favorite spot for gaming. I love sitting at the Enchanted Blackjack table, losing my money, and enjoying free cocktails. You’d think after inserting a $100 bill into the machine that those magical gloved hands would give me a happy ending – but that’s not the case.

Pyramid Lake

Driving out to Pyramid Lake is a relaxing way to get away from the homeless drunks for a few hours. I am not saying that I don’t like the homeless – I just don’t like when they approach me after I’ve won $1,000 at the slot machines on Virginia Street.

“Do you have any spare change?”

“Nope. I only have $100s.”

Let’s get back to Pyramid Lake. It’s alluring and if you are lucky you will find a nice quiet spot to enjoy the water lapping up onto the beach. Fisherman camp out along the waters edge in hopes of a big catch. Legend says that the lake is haunted by dead babies that were thrown into the lake and violently drowned for being disabled or sickly. I know what you are thinking… I was just as surprised to find out Hitler spend time vacationing in Reno.

No dead babies. I was pleased. Dead babies bring the party to a crashing hault!

Bike riding in S. Lake Tahoe

After eating enough food to make Karen Carpenter throw up just from watching you I suggest some outdoor activity. Drive down to South Lake Tahoe and visit Anderson’s Bicycle Rental.

They are a great group of guys and for $10/hour the price is perfect. They will provide you with a map, a helmet, and lock for exploring off the paved paths. The views are spectacular.

Watch for Whores On Bikes. That’s the group of 15 half naked ladies who show up to ride bicycles and make you wait for them to finish screaming about not being able to ride side saddle because they haven’t worn underwear since 2001.

The Awful Awful

This isn’t when your wife finds you in the elevator making out with Julio from the casino. That’s actually what we call The Win Win. The Awful Awful is a burger that you will find in the darkest, scariest part of The Nugget. At one point while I was stumbling to the back of the casino I thought I was going to be thrown into the back of a 1960’s pick up truck and wake up in Tijuana selling balloons of coke out of my ass. I wonder what the take home percentage is for that job? Probably better than pulling cans of Diet Coke and bags of nuts out of my ass. When I ate my Awful Awful I was Drunk Drunk. I barely remember sinking my teeth into that cardiac arrest on a bun but my indigestion at 5 am reminded me that it was AWESOME AWESOME.

Bowling @ Grand Sierre

When the fuck did bowling get so expensive? I just want to bowl – not invest my money in bowling balls that don’t even fit my fingers. When I was a kid (I am officially old) it was like .75 cents to play a game and shoes were like $1.00. The kids from the wrong side of the tracks could bowl a few games, steal a few sodas, and still buy a candy bar. Today – you need a mortgage with a home equity loan just to bowl. Jesus Christ! Don’t be surprised when they shut off the lights and the price goes up. Wait? What? You want me to pay more and prevent me from seeing the pins. Who makes up these rules? Stevie Wonder?

Bowling was fun and the Grand Sierre is a masterpiece of a resort. Thankfully, I make enough money to pay the $4.00/game and $4.00 for shoes. I tried to tell them I had my own shoes and catching athlete’s foot was not part of my agenda but they didn’t care. I guess catching athlete’s foot is better than gonorrhea.

Rock climb at Base Camp

If you want to rock climb outside of Reno but are afraid of falling to your death where the only creatures that will find you are hungry coyotes then my suggestion is to rock climb the 163 foot wall attached to the Whitney Peak Hotel at Base Camp. This way, if you fall to your death, you will be found quicker but sadly – your wallet will be in a transients back pocket before you finish bouncing on the sidewalk. Just don’t hit the Reno sign – I kinda like it. You don’t have to stay at the Whitney Peak Hotel to risk your life scaling the wall like Spiderman. It’s $17 for a day pass (if you aren’t staying at the hotel) and this doesn’t include supplies. Don’t try and use blue chalk from the pool hall – that won’t work.

National Automobile Museum

I think watching homeless people beg for money is more entertaining than walking through an automobile museum. I hate cars – especially if they are sitting still. Now, give me a homeless person dodging cars while crossing a busy intersection and you have my full attention. If you do find viewing old automobiles captivating the National Automobile Museum is the place for you. They have a lot of cars. Not as many as Jay Leno (that is a guess) but there are enough to keep you busy for your $10 admission fee. Talk to the young guy at the desk. He sounds like Elvis and when you say, ¨You sound like Elvis,” he plays dumb. I hate that.

Dinner at Campo

One of the best meals I have ever had. My only regret is that I am not bulimic so I could have tossed up my sweet potato gnocchi to make room for the pasta of the day. I “borrowed” a bite of the pasta of the day from the person next to me and it was AMAZING. I’d smack my mother if she was still alive. Hell – I’d slap around her ashes if I still had them. I would fly to Reno just to have dinner at Campo. Try the Caramel Budino because you will never be the same again. This is how invasion of the body snatchers began. It will turn you into a caramel budino snatcher and you will have to fight off the urge to attack anyone sitting around who has this cup of love in front of them. It’s the best thing I’ve put in my mouth in years – and my mouth works harder than a pre-teen who spent his summer at Neverland Ranch.

Island Buffet at Peppermint Resort Spa

There is nothing like spending $30 for an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet while hundreds of homeless people wander the streets outside like extras from The Walking Dead. There is nothing more American than that unless you throw it right up after. Sometimes I really wish I was bulimic because I love gluttony. The Island is my favorite buffet in Reno. The entire casino/resort is spectacular and the tropical forest theme of the restaurant will make you forget that you are smack dab in the middle of a dried up desert.